Donated clothes for 2-4 year old kids in Balwadi

Eksaath Foundation donated a 3 year old girls clothing to a Balwadi in a low income school. Thank you to our 3 year old donor Ms Mehr Ravindra Shenoy.

Eksaath is working on more such ideas that can support girls at school. And trying to raise more clothing and other consumables. If you have any ideas or wish to donate, please contact us.

Mothers are culpable for the violence of her sons.

How does domestic violence continue in a home really? In families where the husband is open with his hands and mouth and thinks it’s Ok to use them inappropriately because it’s his right to do so, how does one contain it? Is the husband only to be blamed? No.

Yes, he is the directly culpable for the violence. But his mother, is indirectly culpable too. In fact in many many cases, mother-in-laws, would perhaps egg the son on – dikha de usse ke mard kaun hai. laga de ek chanta, theek ho jayegi. (Show her who the man is, give her a slap and she will be alright)

Violence does not happen in a silo. It sometimes happens with tacit permission from family members. Remember this. If you are an in-law, and you say, when your son beats his wife, it’s a private matter between them, you are directly supporting the violence. Infact, you are telling your son, it’s Ok to beat his wife. And children too, if he beats them too.

As parents, its your birthright, to take a stick to your son when he does something wrong. Use it. You will save not only your daughter-in-law’s life, but your grand children’s lives and their future families, your daughter in law’s parent’s lives, her family and family’s family.

By using the stick, you will end up saving many many people. Use the stick. Perhaps, it would be 20 years too late, but intervene and tell your son, ‘Do not raise your hands on your wife. you wish to vent your anger, talk civilly. Do not raise your hands.’

Is this a just expectation? Yes. But will it happen? Not unless, families and society address the senior women in the homes where violence happens too. But the other side of the coin is, many of the older women, have taken the hit too. Violence sometimes then comes naturally to her children too. It’s a vicious cycle, that can be broken only by continuous engagement with the women, to break that cycle – to see the light.

Should you stay with abuser, so you can become strong?!?

Should you go back to your former abuser so that you can deal with the abuse better or train yourself emotionally to strengthen yourself and get your power back? In an abusive situation, most often the abused victim loses a sense of self and ability to judge. If you go back to an environment that strips one of self respect, it’s humanly impossible to get your emotional balance back, without serious emotional support and guidance. It’s not advisable to do what this article states because it could be physically dangerous.

Especially, if kids are involved, there is no room for experimentation. It’s a straight exit from the physical confines of the abuse. Unless the abuser shows drastic positive change, there is no room for contact. Even then there is a period of probation. The rules of custody or shared parenting will apply at some places. And the mother has to deal with the child still being trapped in the abusive cycle, which perhaps the courts cannot see.

Nothing is more gutting and damaging than verbal abuse. And for a mother/parent to see the child go through it, is hell. But how you (mother/parent) deal with it or respond to the abuse from the other parent, even remotely, will impact how your child will deal with it when he or she is actually going through it.

A parent who no longer has to deal with the abuse in person, still goes through it, through their child. What can you do? Practice being unemotional and teach your kid to be so too. Do yoga, meditate, take therapy so that you remain calm at all times. How you respond will determine how your child will respond. So if you pretend it does not matter, your child will be able to deal with it much much better. The idea to be projected is, what the abusive parent does, does not matter. Water of a ducks back, so to speak.

Teach your child to hear the abuse, but not process it. Practice positive body language, for example, teach your kid to behave positively to show the abusive parent is the greatest. No need to prove a point or be antagonistic, that parent is always right. Reduce friction. The goal should be to manage the interaction between the abusive parent and your child. Even remotely. Easy to do? No. But with practice, you will be able to keep the abusive parent in a normal mood. The goal should be to make your child emotionally stronger, so that he or she can deal with the parent and be physically safe, if nothing else.

Learn to give it back!

Being nice is hygiene. But being nice is not a synonym for being a doormat. It’s ok to take your tongue out for a good word lashing on someone, when someone crosses that line.  Don’t fear. Use that fantastic piece of equipment ferociously when needed.  Don’t think – let it go. NO.

Every time a line is crossed with you, and you don’t respond appropriately, you are raising the threshold level higher for people to do what they want. And you won’t even know it.

Disrespect and abuse is sometimes very very insidious and you won’t even know it’s happening to you. So you need to force yourself to respond and defend the self every time that line is crossed. It’s an important act to keep your self esteem high.