Should you go back to your former abuser so that you can deal with the abuse better or train yourself emotionally to strengthen yourself and get your power back? In an abusive situation, most often the abused victim loses a sense of self and ability to judge. If you go back to an environment that strips one of self respect, it’s humanly impossible to get your emotional balance back, without serious emotional support and guidance. It’s not advisable to do what this article states because it could be physically dangerous.
Especially, if kids are involved, there is no room for experimentation. It’s a straight exit from the physical confines of the abuse. Unless the abuser shows drastic positive change, there is no room for contact. Even then there is a period of probation. The rules of custody or shared parenting will apply at some places. And the mother has to deal with the child still being trapped in the abusive cycle, which perhaps the courts cannot see.
Nothing is more gutting and damaging than verbal abuse. And for a mother/parent to see the child go through it, is hell. But how you (mother/parent) deal with it or respond to the abuse from the other parent, even remotely, will impact how your child will deal with it when he or she is actually going through it.
A parent who no longer has to deal with the abuse in person, still goes through it, through their child. What can you do? Practice being unemotional and teach your kid to be so too. Do yoga, meditate, take therapy so that you remain calm at all times. How you respond will determine how your child will respond. So if you pretend it does not matter, your child will be able to deal with it much much better. The idea to be projected is, what the abusive parent does, does not matter. Water of a ducks back, so to speak.
Teach your child to hear the abuse, but not process it. Practice positive body language, for example, teach your kid to behave positively to show the abusive parent is the greatest. No need to prove a point or be antagonistic, that parent is always right. Reduce friction. The goal should be to manage the interaction between the abusive parent and your child. Even remotely. Easy to do? No. But with practice, you will be able to keep the abusive parent in a normal mood. The goal should be to make your child emotionally stronger, so that he or she can deal with the parent and be physically safe, if nothing else.