How does domestic violence continue in a home really? In families where the husband is open with his hands and mouth and thinks it’s Ok to use them inappropriately because it’s his right to do so, how does one contain it? Is the husband only to be blamed? No.
Yes, he is the directly culpable for the violence. But his mother, is indirectly culpable too. In fact in many many cases, mother-in-laws, would perhaps egg the son on – dikha de usse ke mard kaun hai. laga de ek chanta, theek ho jayegi. (Show her who the man is, give her a slap and she will be alright)
Violence does not happen in a silo. It sometimes happens with tacit permission from family members. Remember this. If you are an in-law, and you say, when your son beats his wife, it’s a private matter between them, you are directly supporting the violence. Infact, you are telling your son, it’s Ok to beat his wife. And children too, if he beats them too.
As parents, its your birthright, to take a stick to your son when he does something wrong. Use it. You will save not only your daughter-in-law’s life, but your grand children’s lives and their future families, your daughter in law’s parent’s lives, her family and family’s family.
By using the stick, you will end up saving many many people. Use the stick. Perhaps, it would be 20 years too late, but intervene and tell your son, ‘Do not raise your hands on your wife. you wish to vent your anger, talk civilly. Do not raise your hands.’
Is this a just expectation? Yes. But will it happen? Not unless, families and society address the senior women in the homes where violence happens too. But the other side of the coin is, many of the older women, have taken the hit too. Violence sometimes then comes naturally to her children too. It’s a vicious cycle, that can be broken only by continuous engagement with the women, to break that cycle – to see the light.