An important thing for women who are in an abusive situation or have come out of one, is to NOT practice ’emotional transference’. Meaning what you should get from your husband, you seek from your children or other people.
Never ever forget, no matter how much your kids protect you, they are your kids. They are your responsibility. They may practice a few parental behaviours towards you, but they are not people you depend on. They are people who must depend on you. In this respect it’s crucial to not make them feel guilty about the choices they make.
They can never make up for the fact that your spouse, boyfriend, lover, father etc abused you and abandoned you. You must fight every instinct to expect allegiance towards you or become overly protective of them. They need to see you lead an empowered independent life, so that they can lead their own that way.
As difficult as it may be to not hold on, to not hang on, nothing will be more destructive, if they don’t live freely as children are meant to. And lead normal lives as children do. And not as matured young adults. Don’t kid yourself, if someone says your kids are too matured for their age. It’s not a complement.